areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
