You just made me feel so damn special
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
