Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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