yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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