we're chasing vodka with high fives
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
