Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
