Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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