Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
