Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
