No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
