watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
