That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
