im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
