I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
