ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
