Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
