The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
