just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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