When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
