he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
