You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
