By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
