dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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