some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
