Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
