my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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