you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
