Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
