Where did you get a picture of my penis
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
