I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
