how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
