i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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