I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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