So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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