I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
