So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
