The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
