Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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