I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
