everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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