if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
