it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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