It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
wow bdsm is so cute
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
