My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
