When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
