so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
