she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
