Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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