google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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