Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
